PRAISE - Why you need to do this....

How did this happen? How did Christmas turn up so quickly this year? My input to these blog pages has slowed down a bit this year. I've been pretty busy with an ever-changing list of clients I've been working with, coupled with other commitments, such as my work on a post-grad course for a local university. And now Christmas is here again. 

My work with clients has had it's challenges, but I wouldn't have it any other way. People coming in with issues and complexity in their relationships get a good level of energy and  commitment from me, and all of us then working together usually means that a good outcome can  be arrived at. 

Naturally enough, when people attend therapy, there's going to be a big focus on what is not going right for them. But what is easy to forget at these times, is the importance of remembering what is going right. And there is always stuff that is going right. Yet often, there is no acknowledgement of this. There will be no complimenting or praising of those positive words or behaviours that each other is using.

Which brings me to what I wanted to mention today, and that is the importance of praise. (Compliments are important too, but praise has a bit more depth to it, as it focuses more on people's actions or behaviours). We know that there are a whole lot of things we can do that will make relationships work better, and make them more satisfying and stable, and praise is just one of these things. And it is one that is frequently overlooked. In fact when I had a quick look at The Font of All Knowledge (ie., Google), in search of why praise might be important, while there was a whole bunch of information about how and why we should praise kids, there was very little to be said about why it might also be important for adults. Yet we all need it, and at all stages of our lives. 

Human nature, being what it is, we can so easily be drawn to pointing out the faults and short-comings of others - yet we are less likely to do the reverse. To give praise, compliments and encouragement. 

When we praise someone about something they have done, they feel great. This has been proven to be so - research has shown that when people are genuinely praised, they get a release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter which makes humans feel good. So chances are, whatever they did to receive your positive words, they will remenber this, and do more of it in the future. And you'll also probably feel good because they feel good.

Not only will an increase in praise make for a more substantial connection in the relationship, it also helps to make the relationship more resilient, as when there is an overall increase in connection and positivity, the relationship can then withstand occasional episodes of conflict. 

If you need a quick reminder about what else makes relationships work better, feel free to go back to this practical info that I wrote about earlier this year: How to avoid going to therapy.

Happy Holidays - Survive any Secret Santa gifts as best you can, and remember to praise those people who really matter to you. 

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