I've been banging on about happiness and positivity on these pages for quite a while now. There's a reason for this- it's probably the state of mind that we are most concerned with, throughout the course of our time on the planet. And yet it can also be so elusive, so unattainable, even though that does not have to be the case....

Here in Christchurch, it's been especially important this year, to hold on to all glimmers of posititivty, to be alert to all opportunities for happiness. And that's certainly been helped by some excitement that's come our way in recent weeks, from the Rugby World Cup that New Zealand is currently hosting. We are two weeks into it now, with another four to go. The All Blacks have been very exciting to watch- their win over France on the weekend showing how consistently talented they are.... Anyway, back to the good stuff:

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. 
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the size of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on, and by our interpretation of external events.  Do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity? Incorporate elements of happiness into your daily routine, helping you to create sustained happiness.
4. Simplify. Generally, we are much too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. 
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don't do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. All too often we take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savour the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
7. Do something for someone else, no matter how minor this may be...Remember that  old chestnut about it being better to give than to receive? It's true...

 Thanks to everyone who visits these pages, especially the regulars. Numbers continue to grow every month....
 

We can spend so much time in our waking hours hoping that other people think well of us. Or worry even more about others not liking or approving of us. Somehow or other, most of us get caught up to varying degrees in the need to be approved of by others. I guess it's understandable in some way, why we might want to have those we are close to think well of us. But this often extends out- way way out, where the opinion of a complete stranger, someone we may never see again, also matters. What would your life be like, if you decided once and for all, that other's opinions of you really do not matter? That what other people think of you really is none of your business? Their thoughts are theirs- not yours.

You can really wind up with a major head-ache, if you spend too much time worrying about what other people think of you. Because the reality is that only some people will approve of us, or like us at any one time. And even the people doing the liking, are likely to change on a day by day basis, for reasons that are completely unknown to you- and  are probably unknown to them too, if the truth be known.

Everyone sees the world through slightly different lenses- and that is OK. It's as it should be. We are all unique with our own views and opinions. But this means that everyone else is going to see us in a slightly different way also. This of course means that at any one time, there will be a whole raft of opinions floating around us (mostly silent, we hope). Some  of these will see us as being the greatest human being to walk on the planet, whilst other opinions may even deem us to be a complete and utter waste of space. And most of the other people's opinions will be somewhere in between. 

We can't please everybody- because everyone everyone everyone will expect something slightly different of us. If you think about it, you can probably pick out those people who get caught up in trying to continually please everyone else, so easily worried about what  everyone else will think well of them. They usually agree with everyone else's contrasting opinions. They avoid all forms of conflict (because we all know that conflict is such a terrible terrible thing.......), and they have no real ideas, as they value the  opinions of others more highly than they value their own.

So it makes a lot of sense to allow ourselves to not be too influenced by what others think of us. Because everyone will have a slightly different view of us. So that in itself makes it impossible to have everyone like us. In the end the opinion that matters the most, the person whose ideas are the most useful to you, and whose approval you need more than anyone else on the planet, can be found lurking in your bathroom. Beaming out at you from that glass reflective thingy above the hand-basin. Wipe the steam off the glass, look them in the eye and tell them what a champ they are....

Jump right over here to read three important points for being true to yourself