I was reading back over some notes I had saved about the sheer power that positivity can bring to our lives.- I was reminded again of the difference that can occur for us, when we become focused on actually being more positive. Most people I'm sure, will get the importance of aiming to increase their levels of  positive thought. This can result in our lives becoming more satisfying, with accompanying levels of increased happiness, and so on. The ripple effects reach out, with our relationships becoming more satisfying, we feel more confident, anxiety levels decrease, physical health improves, and so it goes, awesomeness eventually prevails! 


Something that sits right alongside of all this, yet is often overlooked, is  the idea that positive thought, whilst being really important, is probably not quite enough on its own. What is also required is positive language. By being sure to monitor for less negativity and introducing more positive language in to our conversations with others,  we are not only likely to feel more positive within ourselves, but we will also sound more confident in our interactions with those people we are speaking with at the time. And confident people are generally seen, amongst other things, as being more attractive and more interesting. Awesome even?! None of this is new of course. It was first brought to our attention many years ago by Maria Montesorri, back in the 1920's. She was way ahead of her time, in terms of  her focus on the importance of the place of positivity in children's education.


Let's unpack this some more. If someone asks you what kind of a day you have had, and you answer along the lines that "It wasn't bad," even though you may have enjoyed yourself, you are conveying something about yourself  (and not your day) with the use of a negative word like 'bad.' But if you answer the same question with a response along the lines of "my day was really good- thanks for asking,"  you are actually saying something significantly different. Even if the day in question was fairly average, by still describing it as good, you will then actually begin to feel that well, yes, it was actually an OK day after all. As a result,  because ''good'' is generally a positive word, you feel more positive, because you used the word. Then the person who asked feels good too, because they got a positive response from you, plus (importantly) you thanked them for asking. By doing this, you re-enforced someone else's behavior, even if in a very minor way. This in turn will enhance your own feelings of positivity (sure- maybe just a little bit, but hey, every little bit helps- it's that old snowball metaphor again, that I'm sure you've heard about before), and the person that you thanked also goes away feeling ever so slightly more awesome....
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Now I know, this probably all sounds a bit convoluted- but the bottom line is, it works. If you don't believe me, give it a whirl- and watch your own levels of awesomeness increase.   

First up- thanks for all the interest that was shown in last week's posting. It seems that the discussion about the true humanity that is revealed in times of a crisis or a disaster really resonated with people.

I was talking with someone the other day about how they handled the complexity of dual relationships, and how challenging these become, when one of the relationships finishes, yet the other relationship needs to continue. The outcome of our conversation was that it can be a huge juggling act, and that there needs to be strict boundaries put around the relationship that is finishing.


What I'm really talking about about is how parents who have been in two relationships handle the decline of one of those relationships, ie., when their couple relationship finishes. Or to be specific, how they maintain an effective parenting relationship, on finishing their couple relationship.  Especially if the separation or divorce is not straight forward- and let's face it, it's pretty unusual if they do unfold smoothly. But the  kids that have been the focus of that other relationship (ie., the parenting relationship) still need that parenting team to be working and effective. They are entitled to this. It is not their fault that the adults/parents could not work out their issues with each other.


The bottom line is that separation and divorce will always (regardless of the age of the kids) have an impact, with the degree of impact largely being determined by parents. Kids will need extra help and support through one of the biggest transitions they are likely to endure in their lives. They will often not have the words to describe what the personal impact is like for them. They need to be supported by a united and cohesive parenting team if they are again to become resilient. Yet this is the very time that parents are likely to be caught up in their own anger or their own loss and grief. Or they may already be immersed in the excitement of a new relationship. Regardless of any of this, the children are still entitled to the very best of parenting that the parents can achieve, and parents, regardless of the status of their own relationship with each other, need to do this together.

 I feel strongly about this, but there are others who will talk about it in more depth and with more expertise. And of course the net is literally awash with info about the impact of separation and divorce on kids. If you want to read some more about all of this, kick off here: parenting247.org

Cheers- talk soon....

I hope your year is off to a good start. For folks in Brisbane and Northern New South Wales, Australia, things have started off badly, with major floods, people missing and lives lost. Seeing what folks are going through there, seems to make the effects of our earthquakes far less significant. Things seem very out of kilter in the planet these days, but that's another story...

It's times like this that people (or humanity, actually) come to the fore - again, as happened here in Christchurch, in the midst of our earthquakes. People dropping whatever they were doing, to help complete strangers in need.  Here, I heard of several examples of people whose own homes had been decimated,  yet they were off helping other people.

Although no-one would wish any of this strife on anyone else, it is in the aftermath, in the responses that follow, that true humanity shines, that it even has a curative effect. That the shared experience somehow binds us and connects us with others who have had a similar experience.  And out of this chaos, a way forward occurs (yikes- I'm starting to sound like a tele-evangelist right now).

I believe that this empathy, this ability to connect, this inherent ability to know what others need, all of these qualities are so often overlooked, are not seen as being important, are not even seen as being present, in ourselves, or in others. Because for a whole bunch of reasons we have instead become attuned to the idea that we actually share our place on the planet with a whole bunch of crooks and self-absorbed types, and there is hardly a morsel of good left in anyone anywhere.. 

Yet in times of crisis, we again hear about these core qualities that are present in all of us, and at all times. We don't need to reserve them or save them for times of emergency. It makes me wonder what our world be like if we all did this stuff at all times, starting with the people that are closest to us.

Wow- I'm getting very deep for so early in the year- I better cease before I get a headache. But maybe it's important stuff to think about. Hope your new year is kicking off well. Talk soon...