Why being rejected might be good for you...

REJECTION GETS A LOT OF BAD PRESS. It's like it has nothing good going for it. And when we are right in the grip of it's clutches, it can be devastating. It's one of those things that all humans can relate to, as we all experience it, and no one has ever really been able to avoid it. And it hurts. And depending on what is at stake,  and who we have been rejected by, it can hurt badly.  

Yet it's also important to think about what rejection means, and when we are not in the mist of the pain it can inflict, what we can actually learn from it. I'm not suggesting that we have to cop all rejection on the chin, because there will be times that else has someone got it wrong, and the rejection is not accurate. But it's always important to weigh it up, and not immediately dismiss the rejector as being cruel/nasty/nutty.

So there are some important point to consider, when talking about rejection. And I'm talking about rejection in broader terms - what it means in our close relationships, but also what it means when it happens in other parts of our lives.

1) Rejection helps us keep our egos in check and remain reasonable human beings. If everything we wanted always went completely our way, and none of us were ever rejected, we would be living on a planet filled with Donald Trumps,  with everyone bloated, out for themselves, and completely filled with their own importance. Yikes...

2) Rejection can make us feel stronger. Sure, it can be a punch in the guts sometimes. But when we get through the initial hurt - we can actually see that the rejection is an opportunity to rise up, show what we are made of, and challenge the vision or idea of us that the rejector might have had. Maybe they got it right, maybe they got it wrong. Either way, we can now show them what we are really made of.

3) We often take rejection way too personally. It's easy to get into the trap of thinking rejection surely means we are completely useless, and a failed human being. Yet the majority of time, the rejection relates to one relatively small part of our behaviour eg.,  not being compatible in some part of a relationship, or not having a specific skill or attribute for some part of a job.   
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4) Rejection can be a wake-up call. Someone thinks they have the skills for the job or role, and they've applied now for two similar positions with two different companies. But twice now, their application has been turned down, because of perceived weakness in the same area each time... This is probably the time for the person to pay attention, knuckle down and get the skills or attributes they thought they had, or start looking in another direction. Rejection can lead us to areas of self-improvement, or skill development that we would not have otherwise bothered with.   

5) Rejection can make us more attuned to others. When we have experienced the knock that comes from being rejected, we are then more likely to have empathy for others who are going through their own rejection. Rejection is one of those weird human experiences that everyone can relate to, and it therefore connects us all. 

6) Rejection is very common for people who push themselves and for highly successful people. They have needed rejection to get where they are, and they've often had it time and again. Oprah Winfrey was rejected from her first job as as a tv news-reader, being told she was unsuitable for television. JK Rowling had her first Harry Potter book rejected by 11 publishing companies, before finally being accepted for publication. 

7) Rejection by a romantic partner is probably the most hurtful of all types of rejection. So choosing to be in a relationship, always means we are also choosing the risk of possible rejection. It's important too, to keep in mind that rejection from one partner of another, can often simply be a statement about the overall incompatibility of both partners with each other, even though both are not able to see this at the time. It can also mean that one of the partners is able to step up and address a difficult part of a relationship, or finally take charge of a relationship that was going no-where.

The bottom line is, if we don't get rejected, we don't really live. When we try to avoid rejection, we don't put ourselves out there, we don't put ourselves on the line, and we get too scared to take a chance. So get rejected!

Talk soon....

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