Seven points to help make therapy work for you in 2022.

​Happy New Year - welcome to 2022. Do we all need a better year, which is not about COVID/COVID/COVID? I know I do.....

If 2022 turns out to be even partially as challenging as 2021 was, people are likely to want to zero in on those parts of their lives that ARE fixable, such as their relationships.  And when the wider world can be a scary, weird old place, we can actually manage it better when we are in close and connected relationships with those people who are important to us. But sometimes those important relationships need some outside help to get them back to a good place. 

I've been providing therapy for couples and families for many years now, and even though I'm pretty experienced at it, I still get a lot of satisfaction from seeing clients walk off with their relationships in much better shape.

My fees are quite moderate in comparison to  many other therapists around the traps - but it is still a commitment for clients, not only with regard to the financial outlay, but also the time out from work, or needing to find child care etc. So, like my clients, I want to see therapy work  for them - and not just when they are in the midst of their issues - but for it still to be keeping them on track in 6 months time, and in 6 years time.

I'm usually working pretty hard when I'm sitting with my clients - hearing about their challenges, looking at their communication styles,  how they "do" conflict, how they manage emotions, and planning with them as to how they can do things differently for the future. By this stage of my career, I have seen what works. But most clients are coming to therapy for the first time, and won't necessarily know what to do, or how the whole process works.  

 So if you are thinking about seeking some therapy for yourself in 2022,  here are  seven points that can help you make better use of the process.

1) Get ready to talk.  What I'm meaning here is that therapy is a talking process, and it works better for you, if you get involved from the beginning. Your perspective is just as important as whoever else is attending with you on the day, and I need to hear everyone's take on things. Therapy does not work by sitting quietly in the chair, and hoping that just physically attending will be enough to fix things. People sometimes hold back for fear of saying "the wrong thing," or they are just uncomfortable about having to attend.  So long as it is said respectfully, there is no wrong thing you can say. And your view is just as important as anyone else's in the room.

2) But don't talk too much. Sometimes people might talk a lot in therapy, because they are anxious. Or talk about events that are not really connected with what has brought them in the door, as a way to avoid talking about the real issues. These are understandable defence mechanisms, and I understand that it can be a bit scary to talk to a complete stranger  (or sometimes, for that matter, to who you are attending with) about your very personal issues - but therapy works better for you if you can take a deep breath and focus on the real stuff. I'll be there to support you with it, whatever it is.

3) Try not to do too much blaming of whoever else you are attending therapy with. Maybe they are not the most ideal person in your life right now. But family conflicts or couples issues usually involve more than one person, so chances are you are a fairly equal stake-holder in what ever issues are present - so thinking about communication patterns between you and them, is more useful than just pointing the finger and expecting them to do all the changing.

4) Have some goals. Again, you'll be making better use of your time and money if you are clear on what you want to address by coming to therapy.

5) Remember that the real work occurs outside of the therapy room. Coming and talking with me is a useful thing to do, but it is just a small part of the change process. To make therapy really effective you'll be needing to think about what your take-aways are, and what you are going to do with them in the 'real world.'   I'll talk with you more about this towards the end of each session. 

6) Have some patience. Most people want to get in and out of therapy, as quickly as they can, and without it costing them a fortune, or without it being too disruptive, or drawn out. This makes sense, and I  agree with this, and so I tend to work in a short-term way.  But keep in mind that by the time people actually seek therapy, their issues have often been building for months, maybe even years - and so it can sometimes take several sessions before any substantial changes begin to emerge.  

7) Be genuine about attending. In other words make sure you give therapy a good attempt, that you get involved in the process,  rather than just going through the motions so that you could  say later on that you gave it a shot.

That's it - keep this stuff in mind, and therapy will be a lot more effective for you. Please contact me if you have any questions about any of this.

​Go well in 2022. COVID will probably continue to throw us some curved balls. So at least make sure your relationship is a safe haven for you.
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