Do you always need to be right? Here's a simple way to find out.....

We can all get a bit obsessed with the need to be right - although for some people, it can sit more strongly. And for even others, it can be quite extreme - they are the ones who can sound quite oppositional to everyone and everything, in their continual  need to be right. 

These folks will often have some substantial issues going on, so they need to feel validated, they need to feel in control, and insisting therefore, that they are always right helps them with this. They will often go to extremes, wanting to prove that someone else's answers or actions are wrong.

But what they often don't get, is that a need to always be right, is also a distancing device: people do not want to get close to someone who always needs to be right, as they know their views won't be heard, that they will always be accused of being wrong. They feel that their own perspective will never matter.

Being right certainly has it's place. It's ingrained in most of us from early on in our lives. We know for instance, from childhood, that getting all the answers right in  a maths test feels great.  The feeling of being right at least sometimes is good, and it stays with us throughout life.  We feel validated when we are acknowledged for being right about something.  And of course, there are times that we do want other people to be right, such as the dentist who says we need a lot of expensive dental work to be done, or the medical specialist  we have been seeing.  

It's more of a problem in our close, personal relationships, when a partner or family member always needs to be right. This can lead to power imbalances and others feeling like they don't have a voice - even though the person who has that need to be right, is often bolstering their own fragile self-esteem, and is actually not likely to be more right than anyone else.

The flip side of being always right (being equally wrong) actually has some positives. We are seen as being more down to earth, less defensive and more human. Plus we are open to learning more things, if we can see that we don't know everything, and that we don't always have the right answer. 

Take the test, find out if you are someone who always needs to be right. This is very simple: try and recall the last time you apologised to someone. If you can't recall, chances  are, you have  a need to always be right.

Talk soon!

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