NEWS FROM THE THERAPY ROOM. Tips and strategies that you can use in your own relationships. |
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I hope you had a great Easter break. I've been working with some couples recently who have engaged in some behaviours that don't bode well for their relationship. All of these behaviours have a connection with respect (or lack thereof). They are quite damaging, and if they are allowed to persist, can be quite destructive for the relationship. And the weird thing is that people who do this stuff, are likely to do this only with their partners - they are unlikely to treat other people in their lives in this way. These four behaviours have been described by prominent couples researcher John Gottman, as The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, because of the damage they can bring. They are described below - the most damaging of these is number 2: Contempt, because it can be so cutting and hurtful. Read them below, and if you really do value your relationship, keep them away. If they have been sneaking in to your relationship and you are serious about now standing up to them (and even if you only have one or two of the Horsemen present), their antidotes are not super complex. And if you want to understand these better, check out John Gottman & Nan Silver's book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Remember that the longer the Horsemen are allowed to gallop through your relationship, and the more of them that are present, the more fragile and damaged the relationship will become, to the point that it cannot be saved. So step up, keep those damned Horsemen at bay - there's too much at stake to allow them to settle in. And sure, maybe your partner is doing some of this stuff also - but that doesn't make it OK for you to do it too. If you need some help with keeping the Horsemen at bay, of if you want to look at the underlying issues that helped them get a foot in the door, please contact me. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Comments are closed.
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